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Foreign box muncher: You did it wrong

Name: Sue

Age: 22

I was home for winter break in Cleveland when my parents decided to go some where warm leaving me all by myself. Well I was bored and wanted to have some fun so I met up with some high school friends at a bar downtown and ended up picking up a rather good looking foreign guy.

We ended up making out then decided to go back to my parents house because he also was staying with his parents. (a couple of cool tools we were) Anyways he wanted to stop by his house to pick some stuff up, whatever it was I don’t know nor did I care, I was young and invincible.  My first red flag should have been that his parents lived across the street from my grandparents old house. I actually felt kinda guilty staring at the old house remembering running up and down the stairs on Christmas but I was determined.

Anyways we go back to my place and I actually take him into my parents room since their bed was more comfy and he proceeds to gnaw me down there to the point of me kicking his head (I played college soccer and I can kick the shit out of anything).  He then turns to the side and falls asleep and I could not figure out if he was snoring or if they had suddenly built a train track in my parents bed room and there was a friggin freight train repeatedly going by.


Well, I decided right then that this was enough so I went around to all the clocks in the house, including the microwave and stove and set them ahead three hours.  Then I changed the one in the bedroom (I had set the alarm earlier that night so he wouldn’t be late for work).  The alarm starts blaring and I hurry and wake him up and tell him that he had overslept and he was going to be late for work.  He starts freaking out, grabs his stuff, gnaws my face some more and runs out the door. I bolt the door go to my room and sleep for the rest of the night.  Ahhh.

Dear Sue, did it occur to you that your forceful soccer kick to his facial region may have knocked him the fuck out?  You know, in some countries using brute force on a vagina can cause lactation.  Maybe thats what he was going for?  Either way, you get points for setting the clocks and the possibility of a knock out kick during foreplay.