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6 Hangover cures in cereal form

An exciting night of drinking always has its head pounding aftermath.  Some turn to Advil, some will stay bed ridden, and others will turn to Google search and type ‘hang over cures’.  The fancy herbal remedies are all bullshit, and I’ll tell you why.  90% of us who spent a good portion of the previous night playing beer pong, don’t have access to goat testicle tea, or oshii wild boar cornhole tinctures.  However, most of us have access to cereal -  so here is a hand picked selection of multigrain goodness for your hangover needs.

6) All-Bran

Some people don’t like to vomit, so this one is right up your alley.  9.6 grams of dietary fiber per serving will have that barley and 2 A.M. double cheeseburger moving through your system before you can say “I shit my pants”.  Accompany a bowl of this with a glass of water and you’re on your way to a productive Sunday of doing nothing.

5) Count Chocula

For those of you who don’t have time to wait and need to start your work day immediately, we suggest these morsels of chocolaty awesomeness.  47 grams of sugar per serving on top of that Red Bull you’re about to guzzle will give you that much needed zip to get shit done.  The down side here is that you will probably start to crash after a few hours.  If you time it right this will happen around lunch, which is the perfect time for a front seat nap.

4) Corn Chex

Unfortunately Corn Chex are about as bland as a monotone math teacher.  The upside is that you’re just a few ingredients shy of ‘Chex Mix’.  Chex mix can be munched on all day long, keeping your metabomism and disgestive tracts going at a steady pace.  It is also easier to handle then a shakey spoon and milk (if your dexterity has not quite returned).  Spill a bowl of these on your roommates Xbox and it will go unnoticed, add milk and you’re looking at a beatdown.

3) Lucky Charms

Vitamin B6?  You bet your ass we’ve got vitamin B6.  A whole 1.67 MG’s of ass kicking B6.  Now add marshmellows and a box that is fun to look at…there is a god.  Sadly, Lucky Charms also give you that sugar crash.  The pros here clearly out wiegh the cons, which is why this amazing little lebrachcan takes spot #3.

2) CAP’N Crunch

These Riboflavin packed mouth cutting squares could part the Red Sea if they wanted to.  Aside from being full of Riboflavin and Niacin, staring at a box of CAP’N Crunch is bound to have you making pirate noises by the end of your meal.  Speaking like a pirate can brighten even the rainiest of days.  It is also completely acceptable to place a few handfuls into a zip lock bag and take them to work with you.  When a co-worker asks “Uhh are you eating cereal in a bag?”  Your response of “Dude its CAP’N Crunch” will shut them up instantly.

1) Fruity Pebbles

Surprised to see Fruity Pebbles take the number one position?  Don’t be.  Fruity cereal is the polar opposite of what a hungover stomach wants.  The nutritional intake your body receives from a bowl of these is about as useless as the reproductive organs on mother Theresa.  Too soon?  Once the cold milk and fruity colored rice hits your stomach your bound to start feeling even worse.  You’ll spend the next 45 minutes praying to the porcelain gods.  The first wave of rainbow colored vomit triggers your super puke which is something that can’t be done with a simple finger to the throat.  Before you know it, you’re looking at yesterdays breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  You make a quick promise to yourself that you’re completely over drinking, take 2 IBuprofen, and a trip to your parents house for an actual meal.  You’ve just recovered in 2 hours and gave up drinking, all thanks to 7 spoon fulls of Fruity Pebbles.

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