5 Retarded Acts of Drinking
November 26, 2008 · Print This Article
Retarded acts of drinking are nothing like the conventional ‘drinking game’. They cannot be classified as drinking games because there is really no way to win. Peer pressure, bad judgment, and a need for attention will almost guarantee that you’ll be the moron performing one of these acts. We’ve singled out 5 of the most pointless, so that you may think back to this article when you’re being hoisted high above a keg this weekend.
5) The Shotgun
How To: Puncture bottom of beer can, place your mouth on the opening, and open the beer. This results in beer flowing into your mouth at high rates of speed.
You would be better off: Just drinking a beer fast. Shotgunning a beer leaves about 1/4 of your beer on the floor. Unless you live in a frat house or trailer park there is no reason to shotgun a beer.
4) The Kegstand
How To: Place hands on top of keg and let others lift your legs high above you. One person will be designated to put the beer nozzle in your mouth once you are in a hand stand position.
You would be better off:
Pouring the beer into a cup like everyone else. If hand stands are what you’re after, you can try one after you’ve guzzled 6 or 7 beers (preferably near the fire pit). No one wants your saliva in their beer, the only reason people agree to assist with keg stands is for the possibility of epic failure.
Another Failed Keg Stand – Watch more Free Videos
3) 40 Hands
How To: Tape a 40 to each of your hands. Use duct tape and make sure it is impossible to remove the 40’s without assistance.
You would be better off: Just drinking one 40 at a time. The idea of 40 hands is to drink 80 ounces of beer before you can use your hands again. Well, most of us know that after a few beers nature will let us know that its our turn to piss all over someones bathroom. Asking for immunity would result in a list of insults (usually involving female genitalia). The only way to get out of that duct tape is to drink, and drink fast. 80 ounces of booze in your stomach in a matter of minutes is no picnic, yet this game is probably being played right now somewhere in the world.
2) The Beer Bong
How To: Pour beer into funnel, attach mouth to hose, and guzzle.
You would be better off: Much like the shotgun, beer bongs are incredibly wasteful. If its the oral fixation you’re after; then remove the hose, and place it into a large cup of beer. Use it like a straw, and be less wasteful. If you look anything like the girl above, I suggest you tongue the tip of the hose in between drinking. This will let everyone know that even though you failed at Jenny Craig, you’re still #1 in other areas.
1) The Flaming Shot
How To: Pour shot, light shot on fire, blow fire out, and take the shot.
You would be better off: Actually if you follow the rules above, you will be fine. Flaming shots are there to dazzle, and you’re ready to become the center of attention. Show everyone in the room that you’re smarter than a caveman from the Geiko commercials, and blow the fucking flame out first. If you don’t thats fine, just be sure to get it on tape.
Idiot Spills Flaming Shot – Watch more Free Videos
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Thanks for this.
Retarded but awesome acts of drinking. All of these are super classy. Your doing it wrong if you end up with all the beer on the floor, or a newbie.
If you can shotgun it, it’s a feat of accomplishment. It’s not a “game” per se, but more of a “Yeah, I can shotgun that shit.”
I haven’t tried the flaming shot, but at least I won’t be like that idiot burning his house down. lmao
The act of drinking alcohol all together is fucking retarded.
That’s just a silly thing to say, meme
you sound like you’re a blast to drink with. the point of all these acts is the comedy behind them all as well as the accomplishment of getting drunk in a hurry. who cares if you’re a noob and it’s “wasteful.”
they’re all god damn hilarious. especially edward 40-hands (edward is part of the name). yeah, you have to piss almost immediately, so “START DRINKING BITCH!”
college was fun. my guess is that you weren’t.
hilarious stuff. I got a pretty good regretful morning story about the flaming shot. I college at my buddy’s apartment we had some ladies over. My friend had been drinking quite heavily and he decided it was a great idea to do the flaming shot except not in any cup. He basically wanted to breath fire using the alcohol bottle. When he tried to blow the fire out from the bottle he blew too much and his face caught on fire. Naturally also being wasted I started laughing as he dropped the bottle of booze and was stop drop and rolling like a safety clown. The burn mark on his face though got him some sympathy loving from the one chick that he wanted.
thatguy, it was meant to be humor you silly goose. I’ve sucked on taps like they were black cock in a long dong silver scene.
The beer bong is far from wasteful and very effective at putting large amounts of beer in your belly in very small amounts of time…
just don’t drink the one coming from a floor above yours as its probably another yellow liquid
The shotgun works pretty much the same way only it comes in a can.
This is really freakin dumb. Why would you even bother to make this other than posting funny pictures/video of people doing dumb drinking things. It doesn’t take a Rhodes scholar to figure out that drinking games are dumb and often funny or tragic, and the commentary isn’t even well written.
That’s like telling people that drinking beer out of a cup is the only safe and enjoyable way to drink beer. What a waste of time.
Yea, I hate it when people have fun too.
Why doesn’t everyone just do everything the same as everyone else? Maybe you could produce uniform sippy-cups so we all drink the same amount at the same speed.
Or maybe you’re a whiny jackass. The jury is out.
Tom and Arthur must be the 2% living in a trailer park. If you can’t see that the article is a spoof then you failed at life. Get educated or kill yourselves.
Regarding beerbongs, if done right they don’t make a mess.
i have no idea what a 40 is. bur we play a similar game to ‘hands’ called amy winehands, which is basically the same game but with two bottles of wine
I have the strangest feeling that paul is french…. and there isn’t one act on this page that I haven’t done, and without waste. ERTW!
ERTW? Maybe for the six weeks a year they do show up to party. Most other faculties can drink the shit out of engineers.
all of you faggot fucking fratboys are fucking retarded.
fuck you fag, please explain how shotgunning and bonging wastes anything? if you know how to do it you waste nothing but a bit of foam.
so in regards, FUCK YOU FAG
Thank you for this post. Beer should be enjoyed not wasted.
Last one is great. I cant believe he is so stupid