Can’t get it up? No problem.

I get contacted a lot via the submit a story section of this site.  Sadly, only about half of them are stories from readers that I post.  The other half is full of “hey can you put a link to my site up!?”, “hey you should post this youtube video I made”, or some other bullshit spam.  Don’t get me wrong, I will post your vids if they’re good, but that is usually not the case.

Long story short I was deleting a few of these when I saw an interesting one from a girl named…well she changed her mind at the end so I will respect her wishes.  On a completely unrelated note, I love the name Trish McDowell.

To save some time I will just give you the jist of her email:

Hi,

I am in pre-med blah blah blah…looking to write health related articles to get my name out….blah blah…my qualifiactions are blah blah blah.

Right as I was about to hit the delete button, I thought to myself “what if shes hot”?  So I began to think of how I could let this hungry pre-med student write an article that I would actually post.  Then it hit me like a flaccid elephant penis to the cheek.

I could let her write about how to get rid of whiskey dick.  I mean, thats medical related isn’t it?  We got a submission not too long ago about a girl who was unsatisfied with her drunk boyfriends performance, so I thought it would be a perfect question to ask her.  After getting ahold of her on IM, I decided to pitch the idea – it didn’t go as planned.

TMcDow85: great! I will be happy to hear your ideas.

RM: Ok so I’ve been getting a few emails from young men who have issues getting an erection after they have consumed too much alcohol (sorry if that is embarrassing).  I was wondering if there are any medical solutions to this.

TMcDow85: There are many different ways of handling ED (erectile dysfunction).  I prefer the natural methods is that what you want the article to be based on?

RM: Hmm sure – like some sort of yoga exercise?

TMcDow85: No not yoga but their are things like natural teas to increase blood flow in those areas.

RM: Alright but are they proven?  I mean I don’t want some guy to get floppy dong drunk, drink the tea you recommend, and not see any results.  Also, do you have a pic?  I like to see who Im talking to.

TMcDow85: I’d appreciate it if you used the medical terms.  Yes they are proven to work and no I don’t have a picture on this computer.

RM: Sure no problem.  This tea stuff sounds awesome, does it work for other stuff to?  Like if you get turned off by a smell?

TMcDow85: It increases blood flow.  I’m not sure what you mean by smell, and aroma therapy is something I don’t know much about.

RM: Well this one time when I was completely hammered I decided to go down on this chick until I was ready to perform.  Anyway, when I got to that stage it was like a dirty diaper mixed with armpit.  That shit was awful.

TMcDow85: I am not so sure I would be the best fit for this article…sorry

RM: wtf – here I am reaching out to you, in hopes that you will solve a few issues that many of us have, and I get the cold shoulder?

TMcDow85: This isn’t for me bye.

I sent her a few more IM’s after this until she logged off.  The sad part is; I completely forgot to get the name of that fucking tea.  I did some research though and I’m thinking I could make some out of this root.

Entertaining Links

Cyanide and Happiness – College Humor

Road Rage Vs Cops – DumpaLink

More swinging less talking – Fugly

Bunk Bed Prank – Funny Hub