This golden question is inevitable. As time goes on, and curiosity builds, your partner will end up slapping you in the face with this hum-dinger of a question. If you’re a guy, usually you’ll bark out the truthful answer without batting an eye. Females on the other hand are much more complex. Awhile back I brushed on the rule of 3, but recently I’ve been told that there is a completely different algorithm when it comes to receiving an answer for “the question”. As always, this algorithm directly coincides with alcohol intake.
Lets take a look at a real time example:
Amber
Amber is a 22 year old nursing student who is somewhat shy, but now that you’ve been dating for 2 months, you can’t seem to shut her up. A casual conversation begins to develop regarding ex’s when Amber hits you with the question. You reply truthfully, and fire back awaiting a response: Here is how you should calculate her answer.
At 0 drinks, Amber gives an answer of 5. Here is where we can use the simple rule of 3. You can check your answer in the chart above. 5×3=15
Now comes the tricky part. After adding alcohol you may not pin point the exact answer, but using some simple math you can get pretty damn close. Amber has now had 3 drinks and has warmed up a bit so her answer goes from 5 to 7. No sweat, multiply the answer given by 2. 7×2=14. Viewing the graph you will see that this is only slightly off from the actual answer.
Amber has now had 6 drinks and she is rattling off at the mouth like an auctioneer. Being even more comfortable she gives an answer of 9. Take this number an divide it by 2. 9/2 = 4.5. Now add that number to her original answer. 9+4.5=13.5. We will assume that .5 resembles a midget.
Conclusion: Using simple math and my professional graph, we now have a way to calculate how many men have pile driven Daddy’s little girl before it was our turn. Feel free to print out this advanced algorithm and graph for your own personal use. You may also want to consider using an extra prophylactic if your partner has given an answer that exceeds two digits. Ladies, please don’t waste your time telling me that this is not accurate. I used a graph.
Arielle Angelovich
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These real?
August 7, 2008
#1
I think the comments in here made me laugh harder than my actual article (I love you Renee).
I will say this – I don’t mind a girl whos been around the block 6 or 7 times. At least a girl who “used to be” a total whore has it out of her system (hopefully).
Sure – Every guy wants that special virgin whos never been pounded, but those are also the ones who end up sucking off the pool boy while you’re at work, 10 years from now.
August 7, 2008
#2
Hmmm….So I always told the truth about my number. No wonder my boyfriends had issues.
August 7, 2008
#3
Amber needs to learn to lie better. No matter how many drinks you have had, you never ever ever say more than 3. EVER. Even if bamboo shoots are threatening to stab your fingernails, no NOT waiver.
EVER!!!!!
I read that somewhere is all. I have only ever slept with 3 people in my life time.
August 7, 2008
#4
LOL I’m not going to comment on my experiences, but I like this… I like this very much
August 8, 2008
#5
“I have slept with ten guys and I am not ashamed about it. I agree with the guy who says he would rather have someone experience rather than someone who just lays there.
My boyfriend may be uncomfortable with that fact that I have slept with so many guys (but really? Ten? That does not seem like a lot to me), but I know for a fact that he is very comfortable getting his brains fucked out by me. The other night he told me he loved that I will climb on top of him and am not afraid to moan. =)”
Ten men is something to be ashamed of? You climb on top of him and aren’t afraid to moan?
Confess. ‘Brains fucked out’ is a really rude thing to say for a thirteen year old, missy.
August 8, 2008
#6
Isn’t this article supposed to be funny? Why do I see so many people bitching at each other? Lighten up!
Funny ass post, btw. Love the chart.
August 9, 2008
#7
I don’t like to be asked this question for a couple of reasons. 1.) I feel like a girl that’s too concerned with how many people I’ve been with really just feels guilty about how many people she’s been with, in which case, I don’t want to know. By the same logic, any girl that doesn’t trust you is also sleeping with all your friends (unless she actually knows you’re sleeping with hers). 2.) If somebody’s really good at something, it should suffice to know that they’ve had a shitload of practice. For example, if a baseball player has a strong batting average, I don’t really need to spend my time wondering how many baseballs he’s ever hit. I know it’s a shitload. 3.) I’d really be hard-pressed to give a number; not because it’s so high, but partly because I don’t really care enough to keep track and partly because there’s a lot of nights I just don’t fuckin’ remember that well.
Also, I’m really glad you used a graph, because otherwise there’s no way I would believe that more drinks could somehow equate to fewer actual partners and fractions thereof.
August 11, 2008
#8
Oh hell, people get far too hung up on this. The only reason I’d ever ask a girl this is plain curiosity, and in the case of a few of my friends, whether they need to go get an STI check done again. Cos if they do, I’ll be the one driving them there.
My current girlfriend was 18 and a virgin before I met her, and to be honest? I prefer a more experienced girl. So I’m teaching her.
I’m bisexual btw…my gf gives me shit about how I’ve slept with more guys than she has XD
August 13, 2008
#9
I’m the .5 in the story. I lost my left nut in the Gulf War.
August 13, 2008
#10
Just remember…arguing on the internet is like running in the special Olympics. Even if you win…you’re still retarded.
August 15, 2008
#11
OH HELL NO. Look, it’s the women that have to sit, talk, and construct retarded mathematical equations to figure your dumbasses out. Yes, I take full responsibilty as I do it myself. That said my friends and I tend to err on the side of telling the truth. Thats why most of us don’t answer the question. It’s not lying…it’s simply protecting your ego. We are OK with our “numbers” and thus if we told you we risk intimidating you…after all you’re gonna be the BEST sex we ever had, right? So top formuling numbers and take a leap of faith, not with your health (wear a damn condom) but also with the girl who has a right to tell you whatever she wants to this absurdly rude and pointless question! SHOOT! I’m wasting valuable hook up time as I attempt to send this into the unknown. Gotta Go…Oh and my number is several doubled-sided collegiate notebook papers and I’m DAMN proud of it!
August 17, 2008
#12
My ex said at first she had been with 10 then before we broke up it was up to around 25. I’m kind of worried after reading these posts. So if you use the multiplier of 3 thats a whole lot of dudes..
August 18, 2008
#13
@ old school, you are only a baby @ 19 and have yet to experience the real world so what you says is, 1. pointless, 2. gay, and 3. doesn;t matter. Hey let me know when ur chick dumps you for a real man with experience!!! HAHAHAHAHA
September 13, 2008
#14
My ex said at first she had been with 10 then before we broke up it was up to around 25. I’m kind of worried after reading these posts. So if you use the multiplier of 3 that’s a whole lot of dudes..
I would have to say its still correct in your case JOHN. She said 10 which would be thirty. But then just before you broke up she said that to spite you. By telling the truth. So she confirmed your original 10×3=30 @ 25. Not counting you thats 4 left. Her dad 3. Grandpa 2, your dad 1. But who could the 30th be?
September 14, 2008
#15
Fuck this shit.
Nice way to rip off American Pie you fucking failure.
Come up with your own shit.
September 14, 2008
#16
This is not the truth at all. I would dare to say that this only counts if you have a habit of dating whores and untrustworthy people. In which case I feel terrible for you.
My partner and I have already done this. In fact, we have the most truthful relationship that anyone can ever think of. I caught my partner when he was a virgin and I was quite truthful to him when I told him that I hated the human race and have only had sex with one other person (And that was willing. I have been forced into sex two other times wile growing up).
Given how many times people have commented that this was wrong. I would imagine that you have no idea what you are talking about and should get some “Help” with you’re need to get together with untrustworthy people.
September 14, 2008
#17
Actually, I’m a PhD Mathematics student at the University of Columbia, and after many calculations, these equations are indeed TRUE!! Amazing. Not only that, but I believe I see a correlation between this graph and String Theory… I’ll do some research.
September 15, 2008
#18
renee, this is the internet, relax.
men ask women the same reason women ask men, curiosity. if theres more to it than that well, then the guy or girl is messed in the head.
for the majority of men and women though its just curiosity; not to mention if someone tells you they have sex all the time with lots of people your STD alarm goes off, thats just practicality, thats just statistics.
as for calling women sluts? yeah we do it. you call men assholes, pigs, whatever. if we didn’t say slut we would find another word so get your granny panties out your ass and relax. your ire is misplaced, your cause, no your method, is incorrect.
also its a joke so if you dont think its funny feel free to click back
September 15, 2008
#19
Wow… I read through half the responses to this article and most of what i found was a bunch of arrogant opinions. So some guys want a girl with experience? Some girls like a guy with experience? Some guys prefer their girl to be a virgin? Some girls want a guy who is a virgin?
Why are some people so hostile towards others? I see nothing wrong with what Renee said. She was just expressing her opinion without putting down everybody (trying to keep it at a minimum from what i could tell) and a bunch of people ganged up on her. That’s rude and unnecessary.
Just to let anyone who is curious know: I am a girl who has been with only two guys (the god-honest truth for all those douchebags who decide that i am lying for some reason) and i am currently dating a guy who has slept with 8 girls. I hold nothing against him for sleeping with more girls than i have guys. Because he shared his sex life with me and i shared mine with him. As long as there is communication in the relationship the number of partners is irrelevant. If there isn’t enough communication then your future husband may have an affair with his secretary or your future wife may sleep with the pool boy.
Plus, society today is filled with so many double-standards. You don’t have to follow a societal belief to be perfectly content with your life. There are plenty more interesting things out there than the thoughts of the idiocracy.
September 16, 2008
#20
If she says she’s a virgin, then add 1.
And then multiply by 3 if you feel like it.
September 20, 2008
#21
am i the only one who doesnt get it?
September 20, 2008
#22
might not be true but it is funny.
September 20, 2008
#23
As the Romans would say: “in vino veritas”
Or in as many words “wine loosens the tongue”
November 25, 2008
#24
This is pretty accurate. My girlfriend told me she’d slept with 11 guys when we first met and later on she revealed that the actual number was 32 !!!!!
Major kick in the guts!
December 10, 2008
#25
in vino veritas literally means “truth in wine” which is similar to what you said
anyway my girl has told me that she has slept with 20 guys and we are still together but like the previous post before me suggests that number can be much higher, so now i am tempted to break up with her in a horrible way just to find out how many people she REALLY slept with. i feel like she is a whore for sleeping wtih that many people and frankly i think its fucking disgusting regardless of anything else. i think the fact that it bothers me so fucking much is because i fucking love her so fucking much (and no im not a fucking pussy for saying it) if it was any other girl i really wouldn’t give too shits about it have fun with her and maybe learn something new and then we’ll part ways, but i feel different for this chick and i think its the reason it hurts a lot. thats my story
December 11, 2008
#26
Biotch, when they say something high like 20-30 dudes its probably closer to the truth than someone who says 4 or 5. At least shes got experience on her side!
December 21, 2008
#27
this is a bunch of horse shit. while i don’t doubt that lots of chicks have slept with more people than they are willin to admit, this formula means nothing. i would place bets that most chicks who lie about the true number are only leaving out maybe 1 or 2 regretful experiences, as i have done. my total, true number is 5 but two of the 5 were one time incidents with close friends so i occasionally leave them out, however, if i were seeing someone, i would divulge the truth and expect the same of them. girls want to be honest and the only reason the good ones struggle is because of idioits like the author of ths horse shit who make us all out to be shameless whores.
December 21, 2008
#28
Let me know when you wanna make it 6 Molly.
December 21, 2008
#29
Jason, you’ve indicated in previous comments that you are in fact the idiot author of this horse shit, how interesting. As much as I could use a good “pounding,” as you might so eloquently word it, i have all this dignity and self respect which prevents me from taking you up on your offer to be my number 6. Besides that, you got alot of competition to deal with.
December 21, 2008
#30
No need to take jabs at me. Its the holiday season, I offer you some yule log, and you come at me like this? Ouch.
December 21, 2008
#31
Don’t get me wrong now Jason, i’m just havin fun with this. Happy Holidays to you and forgive me for not jumping on your yule log and blowing your mind
December 21, 2008
#32
Sometime in the near future – you’ll be having a ‘low self esteem day’ which will lead to drinking. When that happens I’ll be waiting (with my pants around my ankles). Don’t count me out just yet.
December 21, 2008
#33
I don’t know about that killer, I don’t tend to have low self-esteem days,I don’t wanna sound like an ego-maniac but I know I’m great. Unless you’re not into the smart, funny, 100 pound, green eyed brunette type. and I drink cause its fun.
December 21, 2008
#34
Even if you’re fat, I’m in love.
December 21, 2008
#35
5′0″ 100 pounds, i got where i need it lol
December 22, 2008
#36
update: I’ve been jerking off to your myspace pic all night. Let me know when you’re ready to take this relationship a step further.
April 12, 2009
#37
It’s kinda funny how people equate many partners with experience. If anything many partners leaves less room for real long-term relationships in which you’ll have sex a whole lot more than the occasional fuckbuddy/fling/one night stand when you’re single.
A couple of long-term relationship of two-three years will probably net you more experience than the alpha with 100s of different chicks under the belt.
And apart from the pure numbers game, i.e that being in a relationship = more sex, being in a relationship allows both parts to open up, talk about sex and what you like, and experiment more freely. Thus giving both partners more knowledge of sex than you could ever hope to gain from random flings no matter how many of them you have.
May 11, 2009
#38
About 40 but 15 of them I can’t remember their names I just call’em (FBI dude, fire crotch…)
I’ll try 2 remember that detail next time
I’m not slutty I just got game
May 11, 2009
#39
There’s no such thing as a girl with game. Some just say yes more.
May 23, 2009
#40
superb link bw the two………. haha……. very funny but hard to be true……anyways nice notion
July 13, 2009
#41
I have had intercourse with 30 guys and had non-intercourse relations with 13. That is a lot but it was also in the past. I have cheated and deceited many people but the fact of the matter is, i feel guilty about it but there is nothing I can do about it accept move on and realize what I did is wrong. I am sure I am not the only women in this world who has done this and I am sure I will not be the last. As long as you are not going to continue the behavior and you are going to leave the lies in the past, then there is no reason to bring it up again. The person you are with does not need to know everything about you. If your partner asks how many people you have slept with, you do not need to tell them. If they love you and respect you, then they will respect the fact that you don’t want to tell them. If you are not cheating or deceiting them now, that is the most important thing. People will through the past back in your face. No matter how bad it is, nobody deserves to be disrespected and nobody is better than you or I. I believe in God. Im not preaching but I believe that He (or She) is the only perfect one and is the only one that can judge. Your parter has no right, and if in the beginning he or she starts to, than it is a red flag to get the hell out.
July 25, 2009
#42
funny cuz if you ask me i’ll say 1 and i actually have slept with just 1 not 3. totally inaccurate.
August 13, 2009
#43
What this post certainly shows is that so many women out there are basically whores. Most guys don’t want to marry the town bike. Nor do they want to be the caboose of a long train. They want somebody who has exhibited some sense of self control and real discretion, like somebody who refrains from having one night stands and f – - k buddy types of relationships. It is important that a woman be truthful. Her numbers do matter. It has a bearing into who they were, who they are, and what they may be. Do you tell a prospective employer that you didn’t list your past jobs because it was all in the past? Who you marry is much more important than a job. Past behavior can be an indication of what to expect in the future. When a relationship is heading for something like marriage, a woman should be totally honest with her prospective husband, and vice versa. As a guy, if the woman that I have fallen in love with has been with 30 guys (or whatever), it should be reported honestly. Marriage ain’t just shacking up. I know because I have done both. Lying about the sexual past is no way to enter a marriage. Somehow the truth comes out sooner or later, and later generally brings a ton of problems. Just be honest about it and let the cards fall where they may. If the guy still decides to marry the gal with 30 previous guys, then he at least is marrying her based upon the truth. When you tell a lie about the sexual past, it has a way of coming out. Then the woman (or even the guy) has to be very careful and evasive about the questions that they answer. If they are not careful, the math won’t add up.
To end this post, if a girl refuses to tell a guy the pertinent facts about her previous sex life, she is more than likely hiding her colorful past, and the guy should break off the relationship, or at least keep the serious stuff out of it.
August 13, 2009
#44
i going through that, im 17 and my girl has slept with 7 guys including me, but i feel like she is a whore the thing is the love i got for that fuckin girl is so huge, you have no idea and ive been trying to cahnge her and i hope she does cause i really love her
August 28, 2009
#45
I personally have no problem with my partner being with many guys, but the thing that gets me unnerved is not knowing the method in how each of them got lucky.
I’m just curious as to the personalities and physical types of the guys that you experienced girls have slept with
Were they mostly guys that could be considered clones of each other? Were they just a funny, masculine guy who came onto you that day when you were in the mood? what kind of guys do you go after while being drunk? Do you go through different phases when it comes to the kind of guys you sleep with? Did you like them purely on a short term sexual basis, or did you want to at least continue the flirting for a while? Were they approved of by your friends? Were they all of one race? Were they all physically built?
Just random questions like that. Of course, I’d never ask my girlfriend those questions, but I’d be more curious as to that than just a pure number. Just a quantity means nothing to me.
October 1, 2009
#46
I think that to ever ask that question is one of the dumbest things in the world. Who cares? she/he is with you know. Anything on her past concerning sex should stay there. You will not get to know her better just because you know she got fucked by two guys on a taxi. It will just eat you alive the fact you know that. She is your loved one and you should care about her from the moment you met her. I see the comments and people is talking that a girl being with ten guys is a lot. Give me a break. thats nothing! it depends how old she is. But lets say she is 20. She lost her virginity around wehn she was 14. In six years 10 guys. thats like two guys a year only. I have had sex with 105 girls and I always make sure that my girls dont ever ask that. There is two answers I have for when the question comes. 1: A LOT! (followed by a laugh and a I wish!
) 2: a serious one, I think that the past is not what matters. I love you now and i think it would be dumb to put a number in our heads. it will bother us to know. I have found love and thats all it matters. And there you go. You dont have to tell. But you should not put it like you are a shame or that you are keeping it as a secret. Just that you wish to not know her number and that you feel that you would both get hurt by it. I have had 9 girlfriends in my life and I have never answer the question with a number (i am 24 years old).
November 10, 2009
#47
wow…
November 15, 2009
#48
Why did you send me this article?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is your point??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 30, 2009
#49
by the time i was 15 years old about ten…
at 18 i think its even 15 or 16 or maybe 17?
after the 10th guy i cant remember what order they go in…
=]
no babys though
January 23, 2010
#50
ive slept with 8 and im 16. i plan to be celebate until marriage
March 11, 2010
#51
this article is bullshit!