This golden question is inevitable. As time goes on, and curiosity builds, your partner will end up slapping you in the face with this hum-dinger of a question. If you’re a guy, usually you’ll bark out the truthful answer without batting an eye. Females on the other hand are much more complex. Awhile back I brushed on the rule of 3, but recently I’ve been told that there is a completely different algorithm when it comes to receiving an answer for “the question”. As always, this algorithm directly coincides with alcohol intake.
Lets take a look at a real time example:
Amber
Amber is a 22 year old nursing student who is somewhat shy, but now that you’ve been dating for 2 months, you can’t seem to shut her up. A casual conversation begins to develop regarding ex’s when Amber hits you with the question. You reply truthfully, and fire back awaiting a response: Here is how you should calculate her answer.
At 0 drinks, Amber gives an answer of 5. Here is where we can use the simple rule of 3. You can check your answer in the chart above. 5×3=15
Now comes the tricky part. After adding alcohol you may not pin point the exact answer, but using some simple math you can get pretty damn close. Amber has now had 3 drinks and has warmed up a bit so her answer goes from 5 to 7. No sweat, multiply the answer given by 2. 7×2=14. Viewing the graph you will see that this is only slightly off from the actual answer.
Amber has now had 6 drinks and she is rattling off at the mouth like an auctioneer. Being even more comfortable she gives an answer of 9. Take this number an divide it by 2. 9/2 = 4.5. Now add that number to her original answer. 9+4.5=13.5. We will assume that .5 resembles a midget.
Conclusion: Using simple math and my professional graph, we now have a way to calculate how many men have pile driven Daddy’s little girl before it was our turn. Feel free to print out this advanced algorithm and graph for your own personal use. You may also want to consider using an extra prophylactic if your partner has given an answer that exceeds two digits. Ladies, please don’t waste your time telling me that this is not accurate. I used a graph.
August 6, 2008
#1
This is not an absolute truth.
August 6, 2008
#2
…after checking your graph…there is no doubt in my mind that your figures are accurate *nodding*
August 6, 2008
#3
wow.. this is the truth..
i enjoy it…
August 6, 2008
#4
superb link b/w the two……….haha…….very funny but hard to be true……anyways nice notion
August 6, 2008
#5
lol…that’s funny!
August 6, 2008
#6
Bwahahahahahaha. You just made me cringe. How did that 13.5 work? Have a great day.
August 6, 2008
#7
Wow I like the graph. I wonder if you can use it to find the truth in other things as well.
August 6, 2008
#8
lmao Jason you are too funny….but all this work to find out a chick’s number. Leave it to a guy to make it all complicated, with charts and mathematical algorithms.
All a woman has to do is talk to a guy for 5 minutes and she’ll know his number is a lot lower then he claimed.
August 6, 2008
#9
Hahaha, that’s hilarious. I’ve heard of the rule of 3 before, but that’s good =)
August 6, 2008
#10
This is pretty funny, and I’m glad I don’t drink (anymore). My hubby has never asked this question. Let’s hope it stays that way.
August 6, 2008
#11
Did it occur to you for one minute that slut shaming is wrong. To refer to it as pile driving is meant to shame women for have active sex lives but it is fine for men to just do their business as they see fit right?
August 6, 2008
#12
Honey, shut up and get back in the kitchen.
August 6, 2008
#13
Renee’s boyfriend: I think your comment alone gave me my biggest laugh today.
August 6, 2008
#14
Truly, big deal. Does it truly matter if she’s been with only 1 other, ten others, or a hundred others? What’s the issue here? Or am I just being dense?
August 6, 2008
#15
Unfortunately you have leaked the formula. Therefore Amber must take into her calculation the likelihood of you knowing the formula. If she thinks it likely that you know this formula, she needs to subtract 1 guy when sober and subtract an additional guy for each three drinks she’s had. If she doesn’t believe you are graphically inclined, she should still hedge her bets and subtract .5 when sober and an additional .5 for each 3 drinks she’s had.
Now that we have reason to believe that Amber believes that we have the graph, we need to start with a rule of 4 for sober, rule of 2.5 for 3 drinks and if she’s had 6 or more, use rule of 2 plus add a chick.
August 6, 2008
#16
i cant believe my real name was used in this article…
August 6, 2008
#17
@whipstir ….
No shit dippy.
August 6, 2008
#18
What if they say they are a virgin?
But the graph seems to be frightening plausible. I quiver at the thought of those who I already assumed to be truthful with their answer, considering the double digitness.
August 6, 2008
#19
Bah.
I’ve slept with 14 different girls. I’m 25, and most of it was before I got married. If a girl is any good at all in bed, she’s been in it before. If she hasn’t been getting laid, there’s a reason.
That said, for evolutionary reasons I’d suggest staying away from the ones that can’t count.
A girl can easily stay healthy after being with 50 guys (look at the porno girls), or be sick after going with one.
Keep it real.
August 6, 2008
#20
“Did it occur to you for one minute that slut shaming is wrong. To refer to it as pile driving is meant to shame women for have active sex lives but it is fine for men to just do their business as they see fit right?”
See, that works both ways though. A girl gets criticized for having too MUCH sex, but a guy gets criticized for not having enough. So all a girl has to do is exercise self-control and she’ll be good to go. A guy actually has to go out there and get some WORK done to get out of the danger zone. So quit your bitchin’.
August 6, 2008
#21
I’d rather have an experienced woman that wants to f**k like crazy, than some “dead fish” that just lays there. I sure the heck don’t want a virgin.
August 6, 2008
#22
This is somewhat like our:
OPEN LETTER TO GIRLS ON BIRTH CONTROL…
http://www.yogafordrunks.com/2008/06/open-letter-to-girls-on-birth-control.html
Enjoy!
August 6, 2008
#23
All of this concentration on female sexuality is nothing more than male sexual discipline. Yeah good girls don’t right? I call BULLSHIT! Any female that internalizes this patriarchal bullshit needs to get her head examined. The sole reason men became interested in who women were sleeping with in the first place is to affirm paternity to pass on property. Notice the link between womanhood and property? Yeah if a woman is tainted by sleeping around so is a man.
August 6, 2008
#24
Hehe, Renee is obviously a slut, you can tell by the angry feel of her post. Hey baby, wanna feel of my angry post? I like sluts.
August 6, 2008
#25
Forgot to mention the STD I had, better check yourself out before your husband finds out
August 6, 2008
#26
Extra Prophylactic?
Don’ take this as anything but humor…ask any doctor.
More than one encourages breakage. Worse than a waste of time
August 6, 2008
#27
Your paper, “Patriarchal Bullshit and Affirmation of Paternity,” is full of amazing discourse. Your women’s studies degree will serve you well in life. You have actualized your destiny!
August 6, 2008
#28
Hey renee how are those women studies classes working for you? I love ur regurgetated bullshit that your feminist teacher shoved down your throat
LOVE THE POST JASON. Keep it up.
August 6, 2008
#29
Pure Stroke of genius! KHIGH
August 6, 2008
#30
@Sarah clearly you are a brainless colluder…don’t cry when your hero leaves you for better or decides that he has the right to bash you brains in because you don’t use them anyway.
August 6, 2008
#31
Not sure about charts accuracy however, women that get highly upset and even justify how ridiculous it is to question high sexual activity are EX or present sluts!
August 6, 2008
#32
“The sole reason men became interested in who women were sleeping with in the first place is to affirm paternity to pass on property. ”
Ahhh, Renee sweetie… the sole reason men are interested in who a woman is sleeping with is so we can determine, 1. if I can brag about her to my friends (which I can’t do if they’ve already tapped it) or, 2. if I’m going to rattle around inside her like a BB in a boxcar (which might happen if she has been with too many huge schlongs) or enjoy the sweet caress of vacuum cleaner tight suction.
The patriarchy doesn’t have jack to do with it honey. Now run along and make me a sandwich.
August 7, 2008
#33
In my time, I used a woman’s diaphragm to clean out the exhaust on my motorcycle.
August 7, 2008
#34
What a collection of trolls and not a single individual capable of making a rationale argument. The earth is overpopulated with oxygen thieves that gather in groups like this. I certainly hope that you are all having safe sex, we don’t need idiocy like this reproducing.
August 7, 2008
#35
Renee may be coming across rather strongly but that doesn’t justify the rude and shockingly sexist comments others have been giving her! You’re all just making her right.
August 7, 2008
#36
So can you tell me how many got in before this one?
http://www.wikiupload.com/images/BMW.php
August 7, 2008
#37
“not a single individual capable of making a rationale argument”
A “rationale” argument? This glaring error makes it seem as if you are simply attempting to present a facade of intelligence. Wait a minute…
Oh and lighten up, nobody cares. We don’t really think all women are nuns or cum-guzzling whores; I’m sure there are a few cum-guzzling nuns out there too.
August 7, 2008
#38
The only correct answer for the question is…
“You mean, at once??”
August 7, 2008
#39
Use me!!!!useeeee meeee
August 7, 2008
#40
Looool
well the answer is none
i’m straight 
August 7, 2008
#41
There is also a rule for guys except guys will do kind of the opposite. At 0 drinks you need to divide by 2, at 3 drinks divide by 3 and after 6 drinks divide by 5
August 7, 2008
#42
Renee: I apologize on behalf of the rest of my gender. Please remember that we’re not all as idiotic as the commenters here are.
David says See, that works both ways though. A girl gets criticized for having too MUCH sex, but a guy gets criticized for not having enough. So all a girl has to do is exercise self-control and she’ll be good to go. A guy actually has to go out there and get some WORK done to get out of the danger zone
You sound like someone who doesn’t actually know many women, or you’d know that they usually don’t at all mind an inexperienced partner. The only danger in your “danger zone” is the loss of respect in the eyes of OTHER MEN. And guess what – I don’t really care what other guys think, and I can’t imagine why anyone would.
August 7, 2008
#43
Ah, I see, so you’re 1. an asshole, who 2. has no knowledge of female anatomy. Good to know. I do hope you’re this upfront with women, letting them know right off the bat that they’re just a trophy to you.
Although I somehow don’t doubt that you need to worry about being compared to a BB.
August 7, 2008
#44
Maybe the .5 is a close encounter that almost led to sex? I think it’s just best to be honest…I never cared how many with any of the guys i dated…of course i’m not normal, either.
August 7, 2008
#45
umm where the shame again? oh, right.. in the ASKING or CURIOUSITY.. shame on you. i didnt detect one single speck of negativity in this article, in fact you may be inclined to believe that the author might look forward to being with someone that has experience, and knows her/his way around a partner.. gee. now thats novel. but not indignant.
August 7, 2008
#46
Just wanted to let you guys know reading this has been the high point of my day. LOL Renee I appreciate your comments, especially the oxygen thieves that was a good one. My question is if it is so bad why do you keep coming back for more. HUh. By the way I thought it was funny.
August 7, 2008
#47
This graph is only true as the # of men approaches zero. For numbers like 200 actual, you’re not going to hear “66″. You’re going to hear “15-20″.
August 7, 2008
#48
At first I wasn’t sure how truthful this was, but then I saw the graph and realized that it had to be true, i mean those numbers don’t lie, and seeing them in a graph just finalized my decision.
August 7, 2008
#49
I have slept with ten guys and I am not ashamed about it. I agree with the guy who says he would rather have someone experience rather than someone who just lays there.
My boyfriend may be uncomfortable with that fact that I have slept with so many guys (but really? Ten? That does not seem like a lot to me), but I know for a fact that he is very comfortable getting his brains fucked out by me. The other night he told me he loved that I will climb on top of him and am not afraid to moan. =)
August 7, 2008
#50
God, I hate society today. Everyone’s so willing to put out so quickly. Personally, I’m a 19-year-old guy who’s had one sexual partner. My girlfriend and I lost our virginities together a while ago and are still together; each other’s firsts and hopefully last.
And no, I’m not a) ugly b) fat or c) religious. I’m just an old school romantic who believes in true love and monogamy.