“Is that a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them”

Skeptics and fem nazi’s might tell you that cheesy pick up lines don’t work.  We’re here to tell you that they can and will.  Now I’m sure we will get flooded with comments like “What would you guys know about pickup lines, you spend your whole day reading college humor and the comedy section of Digg” – To that I say; you’re right but thankfully this website brings in a few African American male readers who have seen more ass than a toilet seat at Miley Cirus concert.  We can always count on readers to bring us a duffel bag full of pickup line logic.

As always, this logic is based off of alcohol consumption.  If our equation is used correctly; you will go from getting smacked in the face near the jukebox, to getting tugged off near the dumpster in the alley.

Example A) Katherine

Pickup Lines to be used:

1) The word of the day is legs.  Lets go back to my place and spread the word.

2) You know what would look good on you?  Me.

3) That’s a nice shirt.  Can I talk you out of it?

In the figure above we’ve put together the appropriate number of drinks needed to make this formula work.  This graph was made in a highly advanced program called “ms paint”.

We know what you’re thinking: Every girl is different.  Thankfully our formula auto adjusts to each person individually.

Example B) Eleanor

Pickup Lines to be used:

1) You’ll do

2) My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

3) Now fuck me if I’m wrong, but is your name chuck?

As you can see from the figure above Eleanor’s graph slightly differs from Katherine’s.  Fortunately it takes minimal effort to seal the deal.  The bad news:  If Eleanor continues to guzzle Guiness, there is a good chance you will not be able to handle that much mass, once her coordination begins to fail.

Conclusion: Using a mathematical equation and an advanced set of graphs via ms paint, we’ve proven that pickup lines can and will work.  For your own safety and those around you, we suggest that you use caution on your first few attempts.  We would also recommend that you can bench press at least 220 lbs before making any attempts to score with example B.