Wingman of the Year
June 3, 2008 · Print This Article
I think its time to pass my torch of Master Wingman, to my good friend Zack. You see, usually its me who keeps the fat roommates occupied so my buddies can get play without the headache of “Fatty Mc Cock Block” butting in.
I never did mind because I feel there is a lot of honor in getting your buddies laid. And if I’m being brutally honest, my binge drinking usually won’t allow me to “rise to the occasion” at the end of a rough night. So I’ve always told myself, if I’m going to end up in a state where I won’t be able to roll in the hay, I might as well become the best Wingman ever.
The other night this all changed. A group of us went out for drinks and mingling and I decided to keep my drinking to a minimum (4 Jager bombs, 1 Irish car bomb and a handful of Budlights). By the time we hit the second bar I was still feeling fine and was not really in the mood to break out the Wingman skills just yet.
An hour later we’re all feeling good and I spot a cute latina giving me glances. Sweet! There was a small problem though. You guessed it! She was rolling with a girl who could’ve passed as a linebacker for Nebraska.
Before I could even develop a game plan, I see my friend Dan whisper something to the linebacker. He later told me that he said “Hey thats my buddy Zack behind you, its his birthday and he hasn’t even gotten a kiss yet”. Dan is evil. For starters, it wasn’t Zack’s birthday. Also if you’re going to use a line like that – it should be with a hottie, not a Mack truck.
Events that followed:
Mack truck dances with Zack
Mack truck makes out with Zack
Adam shoots some video, I pickup on the other roommate, get drunker than 27 indians, and call it a night.
Zack’s phone call to me the next day went something like this:
Zack: What happened last night?
Me: You made out with a fatty.
Zack: Ohhhhh what?
Me: Yea man – Embrace it, I’m passing the torch to you as Wingman of the Year!
PS – Ladies this stallion is single. If you live in the SoCal area and look…well looks obviously don’t matter to him so lemmie know if you want his myspace url!
Man this might be the best blog post i’ve ever read
I am a chick so I should not be laughing, I should be railing against the injustice of it all. All I am going to say is did you go out of your way to take bad pictures of her…you could have shown her in a better light?
Then I watched the video and saw your “homeboy” dance-I think that is what he was trying to do and I think you showed them in equal measure so the laughing continues!!
Man, Zach just proved that us white men can’t dance, thanks alot. So, was there a love connection? maybe a second date at a buffet, perhaps?
I guess too much alcohol can make gals around you look more beautiful.
>>puffmatty
Ha, ha ha, no. She’s still available if you want to try your luck with her. Hungry?
>>GetSmartGal
That wasn’t dancing. It was trying to babysit a wildebeest while trying to appear to be having a good time.
Email from Zack this morning:
Subject: Jason you prick
Body: Take this out of the wingman post, asshole! You trying to ruin me?!
PS – Ladies this stallion is single. If you live in the SoCal area and look…well looks obviously don’t matter to him so lemmie know if you want his myspace url!
Let me just say Ha!
but were is the proof that you picked up the hottie?
@ claire –
http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj2/regretfulmorning/Jay.jpg
She looked sooo much better when if was dark and I had around 6 shots in me!
Yikes. Stay drunk or keep her in the dark! I LOVE ZACK!! A-mazing.
That’s fucked up! LOL
Wow, way to step up to the challenge instead of making a break for it Zack. You’re definitely a good friend.
I’m still laughing! Infact I think I’m crying…thank you! Exactly what I needed!
p.s. I hear brown paper bags work well, but sometimes they’re are so ugly you need two. One for her and the other for you incase hers falls off!
Hey she is pretty after all
I wonder what she thought about you?
Your mates ‘dance’ moves are still making me laugh and the kissing put me off my lunch.
Thats what friends are for.
All hail the mighty wingman! Good to know that there are still fellas willing to take one for the team. Good friend.
Good wingman, shitty now ex (boy) and friend. Thanks jay and dan. I’m in the middle of the fucking pacific and I hear about this shit. I guess I know who my real friends are. Hope it was worth it Zack.
you know what? nevermind. I’ll talk to you guys when I get home from deployment in 3 months.
Whoa, what just happened? Hahahaha
buhahahahha is that the ex-gf who left a comment?
Yep.
I want to see the trophy!
great story!
OMG…I can’t stop laughing. What a great blog post.
Hey guy who runs this website where in san diego do you guys hang out???
Send me a pic sugar tits, we’ll go from there.