Name: Patrick

Age: 26

This is from ten years back…and, for the record, I can’t skate…

I had rolled my car while literally drinking and driving. I had, I don’t know, ten to fifteen stitches in my left cheek, four in my chin and a black eye.

I had a good job, a wallet full of cash and a couple of gold cards. Also, I’m tall (six-foot-one) and, despite being loaded five nights a week, I’m in good shape (I run and bike drunk quite often).  And ten years ago I was twenty-six years old.

So here I am, twenty-six, rich, fit, good-looking, dressed-to-kill and my face is messed-the-fuck-up and I’m standing at the bar opening a tab.  This lovely little sweetheart in a sun dress says to me, ” What the fuck happened to you?”

Me: I play pro hockey.

Her: Fuck fuck fuck , No shit?  Who for?

Me: Well I’ve been with Adarondack for awhile but I was up in the show these past two weeks.

Her: Jesus God. You play for Detroit? The Red Wings?

Shit. This girl knows enough about hockey to know that Adarondack is Detroit’s farm club.  Fine.

Me: Yeah.

So she calls a bunch of her pals over.  All of them sweet (even the fat one was hot….!).  We get to yapping and talking and drinking hard.  Told them I had had a scholarship to a big U.S. school and an undergrad in comparative religion.   Chicks dig that, by the way, they think you have a sense of vision.

One of the sweet thangs asks me why I’m in Halifax.  I say, ” I grew up here. I’m on the injury list, can’t play. I missed my parents so I came home.”

The girl-in-the-sun-dress’s boyfriend saunters up and asks me my name.  Shit.  I’ve opened a tab with one of those gold cards with my name on it, so what the fuck?  I tell him my real name.

He says, ” Holy Fuck! I know who you are! Wow, man, wow!”

Okay.

He nods at my face. ” When did that happen, dude?”

“Last week in Toronto.”

“Saturday?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck, man, fuck! I saw that on T.V.. I saw you get hurt on T.V.!  Holy fuck!  BUY THIS GUY A BEER !!!”

So I got free drinks the rest of the night.  I got way too plastered to take any one of the babes home but I wound up necking with the sweet thing in the sun dress while her boyfriend was off bragging about his N.H.L. pal.  (She had not worn panties that night).

Patrick, you get cool points for the following: Making your hamburger looking face into something awesome, keeping you’re cool and not blowing cover, and finally – letting us know that Sundress girl was pantyless.