Relax, its hair gel

Name: Lance

Age: 20

I was a Sophomore in College and was visiting my parents for spring break.  My home town was somewhat dead compared to college life so I was not super thrilled to be twiddling my thumbs for the next week.

One morning I head to the store only to run into a girl that I dated on and off my senior year in HS.  Her name was Abby, and she wasn’t bad looking but had sort of a goofy laugh.  Being super bored I sprang at the opportunity when she invited me to the Drive-in that night.  Road trip was scheduled to play, this wasn’t going to be half bad.

So I get home and convince my mom to let me take her new Explorer to the Drive-in.  Of course there were stipulations that I agreed to like: No nachos, no cheese fries etc etc.

Around 8 I take my moms new ride to go pick up Abby.  She was looking pretty hot in her little sundress and I kind of wished that I had put something nicer than a t-shirt on.

During the movie I notice Abby starting getting “touchy feely” with me.  When she put down her drink, she’d leave her hand on my knee.  When I made a joke, she’d have her hand on my arm.  The signs were there so I made my move.

Minutes later I’ve got the back seats folded down and we’re fogging up the windows like a steam room at Bally’s.

We finished up right as the credits started to roll, so we jumped back into the front and took off.  I dropped Abby off and headed home.  It was dark when I pulled into the drive way so I figured I would wake up early and make sure I hadn’t left any fries on the floor board of my moms new ride.

The next morning I shuffled outside only to see my mom already outside inspecting her car.

Me: Hey mom I was just about to make sure that I hadn’t left any food in here.

Mom (pointing at something): Is that what you call food!?

Shit!  I never folded the seats back up and there was a giant white streak splattered across the upholstery.

My mom stormed off and I just stood there for a moment like a dumbass…

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ashamed of myself.

So Lance, does tattoo’ing an Explorer’s seats with DNA take away from the resale value?