Regretful Morning

Fat Girl = New Bed

Posted April 26th, 2008 at 7:51 pm by

This story comes to us from a guy who has done 2 tours in Iraq.  Ooooorah!

Name: J.W.

Age: Early 20′s

Ok so here is one for all you jerkoffs that go around saying that they would never fuck a fat chick.  Here I am in 2003 freshman in college, and fresh out of a tour in Iraq.  I am fucking everything that I can get remotely close to my meat stick, and up to this point they have all been worthy of stuffing my cock in.

Well on the night of this incident I was out with some buddies who are some champion pussy ropers.  We go out to this bar for some karaoke and just some general good times to start the night, with no intention of pulling anything out of this bar.

If you were to see this bar you would understand why. I will paint a picture for ya.  Imagine a bar that was built about 70 years ago and has not been renovated or built onto since.  Loggers in full logger garb from the nearby lumber mill are the main clientele.  So you can imagine the type of chicks that hang in here.  Thus, a good reason not to hook up with any of them.

Here I am (a few shots and 8 or so beers along) when this chick starts looking my way.  She looks pretty good in the low light from where I am standing.  Of course she is sitting down so I cant really tell how big this chick is.  Well a few more shots and a couple beers later she decides to come over and ask me for a light.  I light her up and she starts up a conversation.

One thing leads to another and the next thing I know I am playing a game of pool with her.  Now I have a thing for big tits…luv em, and she keeps bending over and these things are about to jump out of whatever slutty shirt she was wearing.

Well to kinda hurry this along my buddies see what filthy things are about to happen to me so they take off and leave me at the mercy of this fat ass.  She was about 5ft 9in and pushing about 180.

So the bar closes down, I pile into my car, and we head to my house.  Yeah yeah I know never bring a fat chick to your own house.  I was drunk what can I say.  We get upstairs and I start in on this bitch.  I feel like one of the old time buffalo hunters skinning a prize kill.

So as I am piling this girl up on my old ass bed when mid stroke, the fucking bed breaks.  No shit the mattress goes right through the frame on one side.  Now a lesser man may have stopped right there, but not this fuckin champ.  I kept going on this lopsided bed until I had finished.

I woke up in the morning wondering what the fuck happened to my bed the night before, and then it hits me.  So I tell this filthy whore (who had not left) that I have to go work out, and that she needs to get her fat ass out from under my covers and into my car so I can drop her off.

During the drive I brought up the thought of her buying me a new bed frame…..(that didn’t go over so well)  So I had to buy a new one myself.  Hey I needed a new bed anyway right?


I think the Moral here is:  When you need to buy a new bed, have a fat filthy sloth completely break your old one first?

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  • Matt
    April 26, 2008


    We’ve all been there man. Fat chicks need lovin to

  • Joe
    June 28, 2008


    Two tours in Iraq, thank you for your service.

    You’re a pig grow up.

  • John M. Johnson
    June 28, 2008


    Almost the very same thing happened to me while serving with the Marine Corps. However, this young & large lady started to call me at home (my fathers) every two hours or so. After a week of avoiding her calls, her father starts calling. This girl wanted a ring. I got out of this sitution by shipping out to Okinawa for a year. The calls did stop after about 3 months. For a long time after that I only drank at home, on base, or with several other Marines who would protect me if I got to drunk…..again. She was good people, I didn’t want to get married yet. I was only 20 years old.

  • Izzy
    June 28, 2008


    5ft 9in at 180 is NOT fat, either u only like to fuck skeletons, or u can’t guess a womans weight worth a shit. it makes me sad that someone as arrogant and stupid as you was overseas….. and when so many good men die…. and so many stupid ones live….. bullshit

  • Izzy you're wrong
    July 13, 2008


    5 foot 9 180 IS a heffer !

  • Colonic
    October 1, 2008


    Uh…5’9 180 is huge. Way too big. Not only unattractive but also unhealthy. Fat enough to not be able to reach everywhere and clean yourself. Yuck.

  • Tron
    October 7, 2008


    1. It’s ‘heifer’ not ‘heffer’.

    2. 5′ 2″ 180 might be a heifer. 5′ 9″ is not.

    3. You’re retarded.

  • Tolana
    October 23, 2008


    what an ass …your fucked up

  • levi mast
    December 27, 2008


    ok the fat girl held me down a rode me?
    what should i do to get that image out of my head?
    all i can think of is drink drink drink.
    and suggestions?

  • smcc7714
    April 27, 2010


    you are a stupid man. not only will u get a disease fucking so much but it shouldnt matter what a girl looks like only her personality

  • Liz
    August 11, 2010


    HAH but yeah BRO U STILL HIT IT, yeah nice how you tried to play it like you fucked her cuz she was there but…a real man wouldn’t have to “settle”. let’s hope she has a funny story to post on the internet about the piece of shit with a cheap fuckin bed. Get some money sweetheart! What a LOSER writing about this on the internet. Can you post a picture of yourself please. If you are PERFECT looking and not an ounce of fat on your body, I will suck your dick. Just to be clear, I know for a fucking fact that you aren’t! I don’t give a SHIT how many times you went to Iraq – go the fuck back! Get some fucking class & get some money. You sound like an ugly broke ass loser!

  • Robert
    November 23, 2010


    We have all been there bro… referring to the 8 beers and big tits ! The good thing is that conscious can clean up pretty quick. HAHA funny story thanks for the smile

  • Greg
    May 5, 2011


    180 lbs is a heffer no matter how you spell it. Why don’t all you fat asses eat less icecream and then we wouldn’t have to write up these stories. Look around and how many fat ass people can you see? Make sure your in front of a mirror Liz when you do. Stuff her personality Smcc, too many people sit back and stuff their faces and say “This is the way I am get used to it.” Yeah right.

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