When Treadmills Attack

Theres nothing worse than a fat, annoying, teenaged girl, whos got a laugh that could bust the windshield out of a 7 series beamer.

Thankfully, we’ve got Treadmills like this to help us keep them in check.

Treadmill Sick of Annoying Girl – Watch more free videos

Fat drunk chicks can make a boring night fun

Our favorite bar was packed, it was after 12am, and we wanted to drink.  We made a judgement call to try the place next door.  Dan grabs us a table right near the entrance and we proceed to get wasted.  I’m thinking to myself this will probably be an uneventful Friday night…then I see “her”.

Some chick dressed in a 70’s outfit is stumbling, dancing, and making out with every single thing that she barrels in to.  Maybe this new bar wasn’t such a bad idea!

What is it about alcohol that makes fat, rhythmless chicks think they can dance?   I took some quick cell phone footage of her dancing in the entrance.  A small line had formed outside, but no one had the balls to push her out of the way.

Drunk Chick – Watch more free videos

Events that take place after this:

Dan and I convince fat chick to make out with Adam.  We tell Adam that the girl he just kissed has STD’s, and made out with 7 guys before him.  Adam panics and begins washing his mouth out with shots of Vodka.  Tori gives stalker guy her phone number.  We get Adam out of the bar when he starts yelling.  Dan pulls Adam away from cab after Adam says “I’ll fucking kill you” for no reason to the driver.  I take Tori home while Dan sits with Adam for a few minutes in the parking lot.  I get home and receive the following text:

From: Adam

Dude Im playin chicken with thense mosfos!

Apparently Dan felt Adam was OK to drive.  No worries, the following chat session proves he made it home.

[21:47] RegretfulMorn: will u get mad
[21:47] RegretfulMorn: if i write about you kissing that drunk bitch
[21:47] RegretfulMorn: on regretful morning
[21:48] Adam: Lol
[21:48] Adam: Don’t use my name
[21:48] RegretfulMorn: theres a million adams
[21:49] Adam: You don’t change the names?
[21:49] Adam: You gonna make me look bad?
[21:49] RegretfulMorn: I wingman’d that fat piece of shit for you, the least you could do is let me make a post
[21:49] Adam: Lol
[21:50] RegretfulMorn: I’ll take that as a yes, I got some good pics I’ll show you in a min
[21:50] Adam: She wasn’t that fat….she was fuckin drunk tho
[21:51] RegretfulMorn: I didnt add those dimples on her thighs with photoshop

[22:10] Adam: Oh and I have antiseptic mouthwash in my car…when I drove home I gargled and spit in the street
[22:13] RegretfulMorn: hahaha

Shit sheets Kevin

Name: Kevin

Age: 29

We had just finished a fairly large job so I decided to take a handful of my co-workers out for drinks. Things were winding down and I was about to call it a night when a group of obnoxious drunk girls came stumbling in.  One was trying to shoot pool and fell on her ass, while the other 2 girls cackled like Hyenas.

More Shit Sheets

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Relationship Advice Part 2

So some buddies and I went drinking the other night and the whole cheating whore topic came up again.  Luckily one of my friends had a sidekick so I told them to pull up my relationship advice blog and read it.  I really didn’t feel like explaining why women were whores at a high decibel, especially since we had a few tramps eye balling us within spitting distance.  I may be an ass sometimes, but I’m not dumb.

So my buddies read the article via sidekick and I felt it was time to move on.  My balls weren’t going to lick themselves and I still saw the two tramps giving us glances.  Just as I’m about to head in their direction one of my buddies begins to speak…  He then asked me the most common, yet retarded question of all time.  Every guy asks this question at one point in their life.  The conversation went something like this.

“So I get that all woman are whores but how come they always go for the asshole?”

Me (in shock) “Are you kidding me right now with that?”

It was time yet again to drop knowledge like a sledgehammer.  I think Dick Masterson said it best when he explained “You can’t be mad at a dog for wagging his tail and knocking over your drink, just like you can’t be mad at a woman for being a woman.”  I’m not sure if that’s the exact quote but its close.  If you scour through his website (www.menarebetterthanwomen.com) I’m sure you’ll find it.

Back to my point.  The term asshole (when women are describing guys) is short for “the guy that doesn’t pay attention to me”.  If I were to follow a girl around spitting in her face, then yes I would be a true asshole.  However, if I were to ignore the girl that I was dating (ie: not return a text, phone call, or email) I would not consider myself an asshole.  I would consider myself someone who had something more important to do.

This is really easy enough for a second grader to understand.  If you do not show a girl attention, she will be more attracted to you.  You don’t have to treat her like dirt, or piss in her face either.  Make time for her on your terms, (like when you want to get laid) not hers (like when she wants to go out for dinner).  Again, this is not being an asshole, its you making time when its convenient for you.

Lets check this out from the flip side.  You give a girl the attention she wants (take her to dinner, buy her things, answer your phone the second she calls).  Quickly she will notice that she gets attention from you whenever she wants it.  This will lead to her becoming bored.  She will then have you by the balls and start chasing after another guy who does not give her the attention that you do.  Do these excuses sound familiar?  Last minute ‘case of the flu’, ‘relative in town’, and ‘extremely tired’ are just another way of her saying “This other guy who never gives me the time of day is actually going to let me come over so he can fuck me silly”.

I’ve grown fond of drawing graphs in paint, so I made another one.

As shown in the figure above:  When the black line that demonstrates attention begins to raise, you will see the interest from the female begin to fall.

Yea it sucks, deal with it.  Learn to give less attention and you will go from the chaser to being chased.  When you think its time to drop guard, don’t.  Women don’t use logic.  You don’t have to name call or get pissed.  Just feel sorry for them and their inferior ability to determine whats good.

You’re welcome.

Side note:  I really need to stop giving these motivational speeches when I’m trying to pull girls.  It gets the guys far too amped up, and they will become cock blocks by accident.

Rob and the helpful hostess

Name: Rob

Age: 25

I got talked in to taking a road trip up to South Carolina a few summers ago.  My friend Matt’s old college roommate invited him up the coast to his dad’s new vacation house.  This guys dad was pretty loaded.  He had sold his company and pretty much spent all of his time going on vacations with a girl that was young enough to be his daughter.  Matt told me that this was just one of two vacation homes that he owned and it came with the works.  Lake front view, fishing boat, jet ski’s etc.  This got me excited and I was ready to commit.

More helpful hostess

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