A female friend of mine introduced me to a girl who she said I might like. I had not met this girl yet but we talked over the phone and she sent me a few pictures. From what I could see in the grainy cell phone picture, she had a huge set of fun bags. It also turned out that we shared some of the same interests. When she mentioned that she enjoyed watching UFC, I began to think that this girl was too good to be true.
Never the less, there was a big pay per view coming up the following Saturday, so I asked if she would be interested in watching the fight at my place, over drinks and pizza. This girl was bold. Not only was she ready to have a few drinks, but she claimed that she could do more shots of Vodka than me at the same time. She was an obvious keeper.
Saturday rolls around and I am making my last minute Vodka and Cranberry juice purchases. I head back to my place and start to prepare for my guest. I was pretty nervous. Around 6pm I hear the door bell “Ding Dong”. Since I was in the middle of crushing ice, I shouted for her to come in.
Katie walks in and I turn to get my first look. Walking toward my kitchen was something you may have seen in pro wrestling during the early 80’s. This girl was about 5’7 and probably weighed in at a buck ninety. I force a smile and greet her with a hug. I am pretty quick to poor us a few shots, this night was not turning out the way I had planned.
I ordered us a meat lovers pizza from pizza hut as we did shots and waited for the fight to start. For some reason Katie was much more annoying in person. Usually I dig a girl with a southern drawl, but tonight it was more like nails on a chalk board.
The pizza arrives after the first few fights had already finished. We were both starting to slur a bit, however I will not be beaten by a girl in a drinking contest, no matter how fat she is. I was almost to that point of alcohol arousal when I realize she had polished off 2/3’s of the pizza by herself.
I tried hard to convince myself that nailing this girl would put me in some sort of record book. I focused on her tits; at least the cell phone picture didn’t lie about those. I decided to keep drinking and play it by ear.
After some the usual drunken flirt session, we end up in my bedroom. I had made up my mind that I was going to suck it up and tap that ass. I mean, she did have F cups and I was in it for the bragging rights. Let me explain. I listened to this radio show out of New York called the Weters and Maeds show. They challenged their listeners to find a girl with big tits to pose in a picture. In that picture they either wanted the females to write their show name on their bosoms or simply have a sign with the name Weters and Maeds. I figured that if I went through with bagging this Bison, the least she could do is let me snap a Polaroid from the neck down.
What happened next was probably a blessing in disguise. As we get closer and closer to “doing the deed” she lets out a small burp. The smells of semi digested meat lovers pizza and cranberry juice hit me. This lead to me not being able to continue. Thankfully, her eyes looked like they were also getting heavy and eventually we both pass out.
The next morning I wake up next to who at first I think is sloth from the movie Goonies. I was horrified. I quickly get dressed and scramble for my camera. I figured that I was at least going to get a picture of those hooters after the night I had just put myself through. I wrote Weters and Maeds on a small sticky pad and went back to my bedroom. Katie had already started getting dressed. I told her to wait for one minute as I placed the sticky pad of paper on her monstrous tits. Oddly enough, she did not object to me taking a picture either.
We said our goodbyes and agreed that we would call each other. I have not seen or heard from her since.
Moral of the story: Don’t go on blind dates that were setup by other females.
By the way, I attached the picture just in case you don’t believe me about the F cups.